Friday, February 7, 2014

5 Reasons He May Resent You

I was reading this article today about the reasons that husbands grow to resent their wives. While I'm proud to say most of these things, the Aussie and I have under control but it really got me thinking about some of these issues and how I've perceived some couples in regards to these points.

I know that nobody ever knows what happen behind closed doors, but I also know (thanks to my line of work) that perception is everything 
Marriage isn't being a ball and chain, its a partnership

The article has the following points:
  • Not fighting fair- OK, so this point talks about the fact that men typically withdraw their feelings to avoid an argument, while women start off on a negative using "you" statements like saying "you are such a slob" it goes on to talk about using "I" statements. This goes back to the importance of. communication in a relationship. The Aussie and I have been through this and I'm happy to say its something we are aware of and work on. Early on, I would only focus on what I thought he was doing wrong. As we began to grow as a couple it became clear to me that he is much more open to communicate and more in tune with what I'm saying when I say things like " I feel like you were treating me like I was stupid" and he would say "I feel very disrespected when you don't do something that needs to be done after I've asked three times" this was helpful for both of us. I didn't realize I was disrespecting him, knowing that makes me think twice before doing not doing something.
  • Treating him like a child- I don't think there is anything worse than one person in the relationship treating the other person like a child. I would say that more often than not it isn't intentional. Being in a relationship is entering into a partnership. You don't get married so you can raise an adult. You marry someone to grow together- so keep in mind that while he/she may do something different than how you would, it doesn't mean its wrong.
  • Involving other people in your marriage- I cannot stress enough how terrible I think it is to involve other people! You may think that by writing a blog about my marriage is doing just that, but I assure you that the purpose of this is to share experiences. The Aussie and I both have faults, we are not perfect. BUT that does not mean that you will find a "husband bashing" session in any of my posts. What you will find are some things I've learned along the way. I've said this before, but I really pity the people that bash their significant others to people! Keep in mind that it is human nature to complain about things, but typically when you talk about your significant other to people the fist reaction is to say the negative things. That is what people remember, that is what changes their perception of your significant other and your relationship Sure its easy to complain, and have a laugh at someone else's expense, maybe even commiserate with the girls/guys. Just because it's easy, doesn't make it right! Would you want him to do that to you? Its just not fair to him, or your relationship. Go back to the first point and communicate with the other person in your relationship!
  • Not showing appreciation for the things he does right- Hello!?!?! Everyone likes to hear something nice! Go back to this post for some ways to show appreciation. The Aussie does a lot of the housework and I try to always remember to thank him. Yes we share our home, but it's nice to know that he doesn't think its all my responsibility to clean or cook. And sure, I may have to rewash some of the dishes, but I'd rather do that and appreciate the effort than make him feel bad, or feel like we aren't equal!
  • Trying to change him- You married him for a reason! There are so many things you love about him. And lets face it- you're not perfect either. Changing who he is will send him signals that he isn't good enough for you.
There are some other points as well in this article but those are the top 5 that I feel strongly about. Do you think your relationship suffers from any of these or are you and your significant other on track?

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